Odd Results
by Akuro13
Summary: Random, pointless, frivolous writing at its best. Or worst depending on if you like it or not. Puck and Kurt both get hit on by a guy and complain. Possible Puck/Kurt pre-slash. Rated M because of Puck. He needs Orbit gum. I own nothing, not even gum.


The hottest, gay, student-teacher relationship would be Will and Mike...Why? because they can dance! add Brittney into the mix and BAM! best porno _ever_. On a side note. Blain, Puck, and Finn rolling their bodies to the beat of Moves Like Jagger? . eee! And seriously. I am going to tie a rope around my waist and tie the other end to Artie's wheelchair and bring him where. ever. I. go.

Hope you enjoy these utterly ridiculous conversations between first, Kurt and Mercedes, and second, Puck and Finn.

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><p><span>Odd Results<span>

"I am offended that some obnoxious oaf with a horrible fake tan would think I would be interested. Please, have a better or natural one. I don't find oranges, Cheetos, or crayons to be attractive, especially if it looks as though you smothered your self with them. Is a nice, even, darkening of the skin so much to ask for?"

"Did he have a creeper vibe? I bet he had a creeper vibe. I woulda busted him up and kicked his ass away from you if I was there."

"Speaking of creeper, the _smirk_. He tried so hard to pull of the flirty smirk and it fell flat, flatter then freshly ironed clothes flat. The imbecile clearly did not have the right confidence or state of mine to pull it off."

"So we got a creep with a fake tan. What other laughable details about this guy am I gonna get?"

"His hair. It was a faux hawk. Just go for the mohawk, as much as I don't like them, but no in-between. _Then_, to top it all off, I think he was trying to channel a bad boy feel judging by the baggy pants, chain across the pocket, boots, and studded belt but only had one piercing in the ear. So tame, go for something more adventurous."

"Not that I'm defending the guy but maybe he had one you couldn't see."

"It would have to be in his pants then because his shirt was so tight I am positive I would have noticed one."

"He better not have given you any trouble after you put him in his place."

"Ugh, he proceeded to tell me that he can get anyone he wants, which I highly doubt, so I should feel flattered. Like that would really work on me, but even if that pitiful line affected me I need to believe it. You better have the record to back it up and ooze sexuality."

"Mhm!"

"Can't believe I actually get hit on and it was by such a..."

"Idiot?"

"That works."

"...Ummm...Kurt?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you realize in molding that loser boy to meet your standards you turned him into Puck?"

"..."

**!GLEE!**

"Dude, it was like this guy was that vampire guy in the movie about the vampire guy and werewolf dude and he was trying to pick me up because he thought I was that werewolf dude!"

"Uh...Did you see this movie?"

"Yeah and it got me in some chick's pants."

"Was she hot?"

"Eh. Her eyes kind of pissed me off 'cause they were like this dingy blue and I'm like no. If you're gonna have eyes other than brown they have to constantly grab my attention and be entertaining. Like, super clear and change colors and junk."

"Dude! She can't help what eyes she has."

"No but I can help whose eyes I look at."

"Anyway, some dude actually tried to hit on you?"

"Oh, yeah man! And if I'm going to date a dude he can't look like fuckin' death. If your gonna be pale then learn how to work it and don't look pasty, you gotta look...I don't know, like porcelain. And I'm being serious, this guy even had that I just got jumped and then put my finger in an electrical socket hair. I can't even get it on with a chick who looks like she's got bed hair. _Puckasaurus _is the one that gets to make their hair like they had the best fuck of their life so they need to start out with perfect hair."

"Wow. I am learning so much about you. What kind of douche clothes was he wearing?"

"Boring ass shit. I want some damn individuality-"

"That's cool you know that word...individuality."

"Oh dude I know right? Anyway, give me something to work with, like how the hell am I suppose to know what you're like if you don't show it? The loser's voice sucked too. Sounded like a dudes."

"But he is a dude."

"Yeah but if he thinks I'm going to date a dude I don't want him sounding like one, gotta have a high voice...And some backbone! Started being a bastard to 'im and he just backs down and went off to find his werewolf dude to get a dick up his ass."

"So how are you feeling? Like are you pissed he thought you would date a guy or are you pissed that if you did date guys he was some kind of 0 on the Puck preference scale of 1 to 10?"

"Damn...I actually don't know...Both?"

"Both, okay. I get that. I guess."

"Yeah."

"Hey Puck?"

"What?"

"I think we just grew a uterus."

"You know what a uterus is?"

"Yeah, I learned it when Quinn was pregnant."

"Oh dude, me too!"

"Sweet."

"Yeah."

"Hey Puck?

"What?"

"If you _did_ date dudes and you did have a Puck preference scale, it sounds like your perfect 10 would be Kurt."

"..."

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><p>Puck and Finn's convo was way easier because sadly, I also have the tendency to say "dude" every other sentence and speak like my IQ is horrible.<p> 


End file.
